This recent Mother’s day my daughter and I decided to chill on the couch and watch some movies.  We started to watch a movie about a stay-home mom of two children.  She desperately tried to weave in a career of blogging among all of the overly dramatized daily chaotic tasks of tending to the her children. I say overly dramatized not because I think raising children is easy, I say it because she forgot she was wearing pajamas while running out the door to take the kiddos to school.   This doesn’t happen in real life, I don’t care how busy things are, it just doesn’t happen.

And of course a neighbor makes a remark about it and she acts as if she was in disbelief as if she had forgotten to put a stamp on an envelope.

It was supposed be a comedy but trust me, it wasn’t funny.  And of course just before we switched the channel this mom stumbles upon a call for entries for a blogging contest.  All she had to do was answer the simple question (in 500 words or more) “what does it mean to be a mom?” The winner would earn the coveted title as the publisher’s blogger of all things “mom”.  Need I even say how incredibly dull and predictable this twist of fate for pajama mom was?  At break-neck speed we engaged the remote to save the day.

Ironically though, I found myself wondering how I would actually answer that question if someone were to ask me.  When you think about it, it’s not such a simple question to answer after all.

While I’d never be so forgetful as to run out the door in my pajamas when taking my daughter to school I might be intrigued enough to submit an entry for a writing contest.  Ahhh, who am I kidding, I wouldn’t do that either, but if I did it would probably go something like this:

 

What does it mean to be a mom?

I suppose the time of day or day of the week you ask that question would determine how I would best answer.  You see, being a mom is a role in which one has to possess a certain level of; emotional agility, compassion, unconditional love, extreme focus with the ability to filter the noise, and above all a great deal of strength to make it through one moment to the next. What it means to be a mom is fluid and ever changing.  It means different things during different years and specific moments of a child’s life and it starts the very second you know you’re pregnant.

I suppose what it means to be a mom the first moment you find out you’re pregnant is rather simple and could mean one of two things; it could mean you’re going to celebrate and not drink alcohol and eat sushi for a long time or it could mean you’re going to freak out and panic because you weren’t planning on being a mom in the first place.

For me, I definitely celebrated, gave up the wine but still ate sushi.  And from that moment on what it meant to be a mom for me has constantly evolved over the years just as seamlessly and subtle as my daughter grew each and every day.

Being a mom during my pregnancy meant that all of a sudden my life had changed dramatically. It meant that everything I did was no longer just about me.  It meant that everything I thought about pertaining to my future now included a dependent human; someone who would be completely reliant on me for survival.  It meant preparing to live up to the biggest commitment I’ve made in my life.

*Being a mom means being fully committed*

Going through labor presented a whole new meaning to what being a mom was all about.  It was about mustering up more strength than I ever imagined I would need.   It meant that making sure everything leading up to my daughter’s first breath contributed to her well being and introduction into her new world.  It meant truly thinking about how someone other than myself was feeling…I needed to stay cognizant to what my daughter had to go through during labor not just what I was going through.  It meant I needed to stay calm no matter what.  And I found during those hours that being a mom meant I could be all of that for my child.

*Being a mom means being selfless and strong*

After my daughter was born and I held her for the very first time, being a mom meant there was nothing in the world that could every shine as bright as my beautiful angel, it meant that I would never feel love as big as in that moment….it meant that I was blessed with the greatest love life had to offer.

*Being a mom means you’re the luckiest person alive*

During the early years and all the way through toddlerville being a mom well, is pretty much everything mentioned above and more.  Being a mom during toddler years means enjoying endless tender moments and lots of kisses.  It means being the teacher while at the same time a student.  It means you’re capable of performing baby gear trunk acrobatics from the stroller to the fold out playpen slash changing table romper room play house single handedly. It means you’re the tour guide for all things “life” to your child and with that rides the never-ending pure joy of nurturing the neurological network of another human being.

Beyond the basics of food, clothing, shelter and more dirty diapers than drama on daytime television you’re both the home base and springboard of your child’s formative years.  And by this time you certainly know what it means to be a mom however, you’re too damn exhausted to talk about it once 7pm rolls around.  You’re pretty much spent by 5 but you have enough pride to fake spryness until 7pm.

*Being a mom means being everything for someone else*

Right about the time you’re getting the knack of what it means to be a mom everything changes as you drop your child off for their first day of “real” school.  For years, months, weeks, days, hours and up through the very last seconds before you must wave goodbye (and trust me, moms track and plan for these events as such) you’ve promised yourself that you weren’t going to cry at this moment.  But you do.  You cry shamelessly in front of everyone.

And it’s in that very moment you realize that being a mom means learning how to let go.  Being a mom means helping your child grow and become independent so they can one day leave you.  You’ll help them leave so they can live a full and happy life well beyond your hand…and definitely outside of your smothering hugs.

*Being a mom means letting go*

Moving forward from there you’ll find yourself immersed in what I call the parental purgatory years, better known as elementary school.  If you’re a parent then you know exactly what I’m talking about.  What it means to be a mom at this point is everything mentioned above and more.  It’s six years of being stuck with no other option but to endure; relentless soccer games, PTA meetings, food drives, magazine sales, book fair volunteering, musicals, art shows, afterschool play dates, weekly birthday parties held at places adults should never be forced to hang out in if they don’t serve wine.  Oh, and did I mention the soccer games?

Being a mom during elementary school means you’re someone’s biggest fan, cheerleader and source of never-ending encouragement.  You’re a mentor and advocate for the most important child in the school.  You’re a fearless warrior battling the occasional wicked teacher of the west with triple delicious chocolate brownies.  It means you posses the largest collection of fundraiser crap hard-earned money could ever buy and you don’t mind.  You’re the constant hostess-with-the-mostess; champion cookie baker, unpaid taxi cab driver, security blanket, master of soothing tears, the official testing grounds for acceptable vocabulary choices, nutrition intervention police, tooth fairy, tutor and overall homework gladiator, financier of good grades, rule maker and t.v.-time negotiator, endless board game participant and card-playing hero, science lab facilitator, creator of non-boring activities and neighborhood adventure club director, deputy of friends, reader of at least one thousand books and narrator of many more on-the-fly made up stories and a crossover between good and evil.

Deep breath…It also means that you have by far curated the most beautiful collection of art museum walls around the world could only hope to adorn and have received the most heartfelt handmade greeting cards made from pure love…period!

*Being a mom means endurance and unconditional devotion*

My daughter is now in 7^th grade and just on the heels of high school. Being a mom to me now means many new and different things all of which I’m lucky for (but just to be sure, please check back with me when she’s 16 and again when she’s in college).

You probably won’t be surprised when I say that being a mom during these years means everything mentioned above and more.  It also means you’re still the unpaid taxi cab driver only now one with no speaking privileges if there are any friends along for the ride.  And of course, you’re still the hostess-with-the-mostess party planner but now with no hanging out privileges.  While you’re relieved of fairy tooth duties and such you’ve moved on to other gift-giving privileges that cost a ton more.  It means you’re a personal chef with all the cleaning up responsibilities, THEE house cleaner, personal shopper, keeper of secrets dad can’t know, keeper of secrets friends can’t know and keeper of secrets in general just because you’ve done such a great job with keeping all the other secrets.  You’re still the testing ground of tried behavior, it’s just now more testy.  It means you’re the target for all things “drama”, the emotional bomb shelter, security blanket and keeper of peace with the other parent.  You’re the substitute therapist that’s not allowed to talk.  You’re the financier of; music lessons, multiple instruments, a wardrobe that lives on the floor in a closet and is never worn, countless pairs of shoes that get outgrown quicker than the price tags come off and pretty much everything else under the sun.  You’re always the report card police, constant questioner, schedule keeper of all activities and main family communication hub.

Oh, and by the way, being a mom during the teenage years means you don’t know anything and it goes without saying that you’re never right…ever!  It means that you are once again a student and you never have enough money.

*Being a mom means you’re a bonafide lip–biting sage*

But for me being a mom during these years also means falling in love with my daughter all over again for so many new reasons I couldn’t have imaged the day she was born.

In a nutshell if you don’t have room for 500 or more words, I guess you can say that being a mom means you’re always in love.

I am a mom and…
The Urban Mountaineer